Maybe I am the Season…

I think the problem with me is that I tend to get bored easily. Everything at the beginning is new and exciting, but then it becomes repetitive and tedious.

It’s like how at school, I couldn’t get through classes by the end. I just couldn’t even look at a textbook without feeling completely emptied of any passion I may have had when I first purchased it.

What’s wrong with me? Is this a normal, healthy state of being? Or is it something I must learn to rid of?

I like following my impulses, reaching for one bad habit after the next. I enjoy the thrill of substances and material purchases and a bout full of sugary foods. I like to hit cigarette after cigarette and type out story after story.

I live to avoid, to avoid being still or to avoid reality.

I guess that’s why when I’m with someone, I can’t stand it. They put me in this consistent, tedious reality that I’m unable to escape without hurting them. When I’m alone, I can make decision after decision without it affecting much other people. When I was with someone, my decisions had consequences for them.

I don’t know how to be still. I don’t know if I want to be.

My mind flows from one project to the next, one idea to the next, one love to the next. It’s what helps me experience life and everything to the fullest. Is that so wrong?

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