I’m not here for you

I’m tired. I’m tired of being the mediator. I’m tired of being the only person giving a shit at work. I’m tired of being there for everyone, but having no one there for me. I’m tired of living in everyone’s life and not my own. I do not live for others. I do not live to sit there and listen to you talk about your boyfriend. I do not live to watch and cheer you on as you achieve your dreams. I do not live to pleasure you. I do not live to make all of the arrangements and plans for the sake of your happiness. I do not live for you.

I’m not going to do it anymore. When it gets to the point where I can’t even sit on my own and decide what to do with myself, I know I’ve been focused on others for too long. It’s happened before and I’m not going to keep letting it happen. I want to achieve my own dreams, to search for my own happiness. I want to be able to sit alone and figure out what the fuck to do with myself because I’ll know what I want to do with my life. I don’t want to have to feel like I need others in order to feel a sense of drive.

We’re not to be driven and motivated by the desire to make other people happy, because once they are gone they take that happiness with them. What are you left with then? You feel a loss of energy for the work you put into them and you gain nothing from it. Fuck that. I’m tired of putting my energy into others. It’s time to focus on me.

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