Life is really great right now. I can’t get over how happy I’ve been. I never thought I would be able to get to this point again. Just last year, I was hysterically crying in bed, drowning myself in covers and tears until I could hardly breath. Reaching out to people was never an option, because I felt so misunderstood, so helpless and hopeless. Now I have so many beautiful people who surround me that I can tell the most complicated parts of my life to and they somehow manage to get it.
Before my problems were so minuscule and I never even recognized that. I let them become more as they flourished inside my head, growing bigger and bigger as I fed them with negative thoughts and discouragement. Now I talk. I talk to every friend or person I believe to be caring enough. I tell them every concern I have and I listen to theirs. I sound like a broken record player, going on and on about the same thing but to different people. They all manage to understand though. None of them think I’m broken. They look at me like I’m a fucking human being, not a out dated piece of technology that’s no longer in good use.
So, despite my desire to be alone, I know there needs to be a balance. A balance of spending time with people and spending time alone. A balance of talking to someone and of listening to them. A balance of sacrificing yourself and of extracting the life from them. And I want to be around the people who know this– that there is balance in every relationship you have. That, despite the inevitability of losing each other in the end, there is so much we can learn and grow from with one another in the moments that we have.