You don’t get to be sad.

I remember when I hurt someone really badly. It took me a while to understand the intensity of consequences my actions made on this individual. This has happened multiple times and I have only recently realized the truth behind learning from such mistakes. After hurting someone, I felt the need to blame everything and everyone. I blamed  only parts of myself as well, but never myself completely. I blamed my personality, my faults, my parents, my mental state, my fucked up past. I found ways to put blame on anything and everything that could make me feel better about what I had done.

Now I know. Now I know how to take responsibility for the mistakes I have made. Instead of being sad about what I do or finding something to blame, I take accountability.

When you hurt someone, you don’t get to be sad. You don’t get to ask for pity, for a second chance, for forgiveness. You fucking own up to the mistake. You admit you messed up and in order to really show that you’re sorry, you have to change for the better so that it doesn’t happen again.

The reason we say “people never change” is only because we don’t want to. We tend to blame parts of ourselves for the issues in our lives, as if those parts are manifested in us for all eternity. It’s as if we were destined to be cheaters, bad friends, our own worst enemy.

We put the blame on what we think is permanent and that’s what causes the habitual messes in our lives. Instead of fucking admitting we have done something wrong and keep doing something wrong because of our own thoughts, actions and reactions, we continue to do the stupid shit we do because we find excuses for ourselves to do it. My parents never cared for me, so I isolate myself from those who try to. I was constantly abused instead of loved, so I hold onto bad relationships. I was surrounded by alcoholics as a child, so I became one.

You’re choosing these actions every day and unless you admit to your personal, deliberate choices, than you’re right-you will never change.You will never be able to show those you’ve hurt how sorry you actually are, because nobody is going to believe an apology that is followed by the same actions that caused such hurt in the first place.

It’s not true that people can’t change. It is true that it’s hard as fuck to change. It’s hard to go from being a cheater, to finally settling down. It’s hard going from an addict to sobriety or even a casual drinker. It’s hard to have been a felon and somehow morph into a model citizen, but it’s possible.

Changing is the hardest thing a person could ever do, yet the most courageous and strong willed thing as well. It’s what makes you the ultimate being. It’s what causes so much other greatness in your life. It’s what causes you to defeat your fears, conquer your dreams and finally confront your demons.

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