Power of Positivity

I feel like I’ve been trying really hard to achieve my goals that the reason behind the reason I started fighting for them disappeared. I wanted to go to college so that I could educate myself, learn something about my life and the world around me so that maybe I can get answers to the overbearing questions that pop up in my head. Now I see myself crying over bad grades or missed opportunities to stand out in a classroom. It gets so bad that I don’t even want to go to lectures… I’ll think “I could always just listen to the podcast” or I’ll literally tell myself that I don’t care. I don’t care if I miss a lecture filled with information that I’m paying thousands of dollars for- scratch that- my parents are paying thousands of dollars for.

I’ve also been struggling with my pursuit into a healthier lifestyle. I started off so positively, running because I enjoyed the adrenaline rush and eating healthier foods because they actually made me feel better physically. All of a sudden I’m counting calories, restricting myself, and forcing myself to do things that I just don’t want to do. It’s all been way out of hand for me. I’ve been struggling and yesterday I had somewhat of an epiphany.

I was singing on the car ride home with my sister and mom, realizing for once I wasn’t solely focused on my body or how inadequate I was. I was happy, in the moment. Positivity. That’s what I’ve been missing throughout my journey to becoming a better person. I’ve been fighting so hard to achieve my goals, but it’s all been revolved around negative emotions. I’ve been working through fear, depression and hate. No wonder I haven’t gotten anywhere. I’ve been stuck for so damn long, trying so many different ways to escape this on-going cycle and I’ve finally realized what I need to do to get out of it.

The work I do in school is all benefiting my future, my education and me as a person. I love learning. That’s why I am there. This struggle with being healthy and having a nice body isn’t a form of punishment. It’s a reward for myself. I deserve to be healthy, just like anybody else.

Introduction

It’s difficult for me to talk about myself publicly. I try so hard to stay humble that eventually I tend to shut myself down around others unless I’m asked of something. That’s why it’s easier to write. I can express myself freely without any fear of judgment. Its easier to hide behind a computer screen, typing away all of your unfiltered thoughts in hope that someone you care about may actually read them. Its like you’re in constant hope that maybe people will finally understand whats going on in that head of yours, behind the closed mouth and shy eyes. I’ve been working on this. I really do try to talk more, to express myself in person. Its a hard thing to do and I admire people who can. For now, I’ll continue writing until maybe one day I can give speeches in front of speeches or tell someone to back off if I need them to.

This is my personal blog. I considered making it into something more. A site about health and nutrition! Or even a site dedicated to my short stories and creative writing… I decided not to limit myself. I also suck at being healthy and never finish my stories, ever. So this site is dedicated to my endless, pointless rants about my life and experiences. I guess like every blogger I hope I sound interesting to others and gain some attention. Maybe even inspire people or sound relatable in some way.. Anyway, I hope you enjoy. 🙂